A milestone?

During dinner tonight, Hannah turned to me and said "Mommy I don't think I'm going to hold your hand tonight. I think I am going to sleep in my own bed." Then Ben spoke up and said "Yeah, me too."

Usually we all go to bed together. Noah nurses to sleep, Hannah holds my finger and Ben cuddles with Daddy. Everyone falls asleep (eventually) and we parents sneak out to watch TV, read, get on the computer, do laundry or whatever.

Tonight was so different in all ways. Noah pooped on the potty for the first time. He has never even gone pee successfully though he knows how to go in the grass and in the bathtub. That was great. Then Hannah and Ben set up their beds in different rooms. Hannah set up on the floor in the playroom and Ben got the bed in the other room. They laid out their sleeping bags, got in and fell asleep. Well, they did get up to listen to a story that Daddy was reading to Noah. But then I said "look it's 8:20, that means bedtime." And off they went, without a fight. Not even a little bounce on the bed that they are so fond of in our big bed. I even went in to give Hannah a kiss good-night and she told me to leave :( (Ben got one too)

So an hour ago, I was lying down with Noah as he wiggled and turned before he fell asleep and I felt a little sad. I actually had a little tear. Sad but happy. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, for all I know it will be all 5 of us back together in the big bed. But for now it is a milestone that I have mixed feelings about. Happy to have our bed back. Sad not to see their little faces wake up next to me in the morning. Sad not to have Hannah's little finger closed tightly on my thumb until it twitches when she has fallen asleep. Sad. I wasn't ready for this tonight.